The Dengie Hundred

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Welcome to the ancient Hundred in Eastern Essex

The wit and wisdom of PeterPoffles

PeterPoffles-Copyright of PeterPoffles

PeterPoffles is a writer and editor who lives in this area and shares his wit and wisdom via the media of twitter to the delight of his followers.

Twenty of his tweets are listed below for your enjoyment.

Whenever people tell me that they're speechless, I can always tell if they're lying.

This beanbag is not a bag and it contains no beans. I feel cheated.

As Rousseau said: L'homme est né libre et partout il est dans les subtweets.

One never fully knows the alternative.

It has been so much warmer since they closed that transfer window last month  #closure of Football Transfer Window.

I'm thinking of having my parmesan shaved for charity.

For one day each year, there's a bit of me that wishes violets were orange #Valentines Day.

Supermodels have been drafted in to drive London tube trains today. Officials are describing it as a skeleton service  #TFL Strike.

Lemon Aid, the charity created by life's lemon recipients.

I've just misheard 'sources of Chinese history' as 'sauces of Chinese history'. I need coffee.

Veni, vedi, tweeti .  

Fresh water is very important, too, because the birds' usual supplies will be frozen. Because it takes longer to freeze, I give the birds vodka.

I'm having my car washed. This happens once every year, whether it needs it or not.

I was going to buy a ticket for the postcode lottery but there's a limited choice where I live.

When I put my weekly shop on the conveyor belt at the till, I wish cashiers would stop saying: "Ooo, are you having a party?".

Ursus arctos: so good they named it twice.

Save money on personalised number plates by changing your name by deed poll to match your car's existing number plate.

My loft is all wardrobe and no Narnia.

"He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been good or bad" This Santa guy sounds real creepy.

Sour cows curdle the milk, as my Irish grannie (never) used to say

If you have enjoyed some of Peters tweets then click here to view him on twitter or click here to visit his web site